


letter to sooyoung

by drewtanaka



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, apologize in advance for the story, i kinda wrote it under thirty minutes, so like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22419943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drewtanaka/pseuds/drewtanaka
Summary: in which jiwoo say goodbye to sooyoung, a photographer; her (ex?) girlfriend, before went to mars
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu
Kudos: 22





	letter to sooyoung

**Author's Note:**

> like i said on the tags, i wrote it under thirty minutes. the idea has been there since october last year so i had to get it out. didn't like how it turns out but anyways...

_Dear Sooyoung,_

_I’m so sorry for leaving so abruptly. I’m so sorry for not giving you any notice prior to my departure. The reason was silly, I was so mad it made me petty._

_I was so mad at you and how easy for you to leave me every once in a while without telling me anything. You left me wondering what happened to you. You left me guessing and I didn’t like it. I never like I have to make up some scenarios on my head about the reason why you’re gone. And though you always come back, you gave me no explanations at all. I’m being honest with you now: it was tiring. I always say it’s fine, but it’s tiring me. It makes me feel like I am nothing to you… and perhaps it’s true._

_You’re always so busy, Sooyoung. You’re always so busy you almost have zero time for me. I never ask much from you, just a little bit of your time. Even if it’s only two days, I would love it. I would be content if we have two full days just for us—no one and nothing else. No calls from the magazine asking you to go to the other side of the world to take pictures of, I don’t know, the animals? The mountains? The oceans? You never told me. Do I have no rights to know about it, Sooyoung?_

_Sometimes, I get jealous of the world. They see you more often than I did. They have your full attention. They have your whole heart. I get jealous a lot one day I screamed in the park, telling the world how much I hate them. I hate them for taking you away from me. I didn’t stop wailing until a security guard came and took me to the police station. Jungeun bailed me out. Did you know about it, Sooyoung? Of course you didn’t. You weren’t there._

_You weren’t there either when I got my first paycheck after writing the song for that new singer. You weren’t there either on my last birthday. You were never there on our monthsarries, though you’ve always promised me. ‘Of course I’ll be there, Jiwoo’, you told me. But you didn’t. You lied to me Sooyoung._

_You lied to me so much I lost count after twenty. Some are pretty little white lies, as you may call it. But they’re still lies. You lied to me when you picked me up on my home one hour later than what we agreed on, you said you were stuck in the traffic but I knew you were having the ridiculous meeting with the magazine again. You lied to me about my birthday cake three years ago, telling me the strawberry runs out so you gave me chocolate instead, but I knew you forgot about what my favorite cake is. You forgot things a lot, Sooyoung._

_You forgot things about me a lot. Like when you forgot to buy me a book I really wanted but I couldn’t get since the bookstore is ten miles away from my home and it’s close to the magazine’s office, even after you promised me to get one copy. Or when you forgot that I went to a singing contest and you promised me to watch._

_You make a lot of promises, Sooyoung. Why? Why do you have to make promises when you aren’t sure you’ll be able to keep them?_

_Foolish Jiwoo. I am so stupid that even after all that, even after so many broken promises and so many lies, I still look at you with the same adoration I had in these three years. I still love you, my love never lessen even one bit. I still put you on my top priority list though my name is never on yours._

_I never made it to your priority list since the start right, Sooyoung? I thought it was her that made you left me hanging. Maybe she is the one on your top priority list. But no. It was always you and the world. I made you my world, Sooyoung, why can’t you make me yours? Perhaps, I will never understand what is it between you and the world. You and your greed of seeing the beautiful of this oh-so-magnificent world. You and your undying love to capture every beautiful moments in the world. But have you ever stop to think that, perhaps, the beautiful moments could be found near you? You and I could make the beautiful moments, Sooyoung. You don’t have to fly to the other side of this world to see them. Don’t you ever listen to those stupid motivators? You can create them. We can create them._

_But of course not. Of course that’s not what you want, is it, Sooyoung? I’ve been wondering for so long if the reason why you’re always thousand miles far far far away from me is… me._

_Am I a burden to you, Sooyoung? Do I get you into more troubles? Do I give you more headaches? There are times that I feel like I am. I am, indeed, your sole source of unhappiness. Perhaps it’s better for us to go on our separated ways._

_But I can’t, Sooyoung. I can’t and I don’t want to let you go. Even when I know we’d thrive better on our own. Even when holding on to you hurts me. For some selfish reasons, I don’t want to let you go. I don’t want to see you with someone else._

_I’m sorry, Sooyoung, I’m sorry it has to be this way._

_It’s true, I can’t let you go. I don’t want to let you go. But it’s also true, we’d be better off without each other. Maybe that’s why I took this chance. Maybe that’s why I applied to this Mars mission. Maybe that’s why I said yes when they told me I passed the test and ready to go in next year. Perhaps, if we are separated by some lightning years, we would understand better what it was like to have each other by our side. Perhaps then you’ll miss me. Perhaps then my feelings would poof into thin air, along with the last Earth oxygen I’d exhale when I launched off. I don’t know, Sooyoung, but I’d like to. I’d like to see the world you love so much from up there, watching them and see what’s so great about them that make you don’t really want to stay with me. Who knows I might ended up loving the world too._

_For now, I still love you Sooyoung. Though I can’t promise anything for the many years that would come. People age slowly in outer space. Maybe, when I came back, you already grow old—belongs to someone else; while I’m still very much me._

_I never regret loving you, Sooyoung._

_Until then, do take care of yourself. Hopefully this letter would come to you right on time—when the countdown gets to five… four…three… two… one._

_Goodbye, Sooyoung._

***

She couldn’t help herself. Tears are already streaming down her cheeks. “Jiwoo, I am so sorry…”


End file.
